and how everyone ( including me ) were all like ” omg dane cook you’re so awesome.” except dane cook isn’t even that funny and he still says sexist jokes. anyways he says one thing and he gets a round of applause. mean while let’s rewind a hundred years ago when women have already been saying this but he get more attention and praise for saying it. that’s fucked up.
a white person has to say one thing about racism, or a straight person defends same sex marriage and the red carpet gets rolled out for them. and i do the same thing my teacher will do something really racist like use the word oreo like a compliment or say casually obliviously sexist things but he gets really upset about how problematic twilight is and i’m fucking ecstatic. i’ve been saying the same thing since that crappy book series infested my life since 8th grade no one listens, he makes a few comments angrily and suddenly everyone understand my frustration. or how keith olberman says something sexist/transphobic but he makes an awesome prop 8 speech ( which made me cry) or address racism in america and everything is all good again.
people with privilege always get more attention for saying the same thing marginalized groups have always been saying and they get away from being called out when they fuck up.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
—Applause—
July 2010
164 posts
From The Guardian, Jun 23. And it’s written by a male sex worker, which is refreshing, and he seems pretty fucking on the ball.
Whorephobia can be defined as the fear or the hate of sex workers. Sex workers like me would argue that it also embraces paternalistic attitudes that deem us a public nuisance, spreaders of disease, offenders against decency or unskilled victims who don’t know what is good for them and who need to be rescued.
In its most violent form, whorephobia kills. Sex workers are far more likely to be murdered than the rest of the population: the recent killings in Bradford are the most recent and saddening example. However, it would be a mistake to think that sex workers are the only targets of these murderers. Attackers often target sex workers because they look like easier prey. Sometimes it is only once a non-sex worker is killed that the police take an investigation seriously. Until sex workers are safe, no woman is safe.
If men are the ones who attack physically, women are sometimes more prejudiced than men against sex workers. In most languages, the most common sexist insults are “whore” or “slut”, which makes women want to distance themselves from the stigma associated with those words, and from those who incarnate it. The “whore stigma” is a way to control women and to limit their autonomy – whether it is economic, sexual, professional, or simply freedom of movement.
Women are brought up to think of sex workers as “bad women”. It prevents them from copying and taking advantage of the freedoms sex workers fight for, like the occupation of nocturnal and public spaces, or how to impose a sexual contract in which conditions have to be negotiated and respected. Whorephobia operates as a way of controlling and policing women’s behaviour, just as homophobia does for men.
One solution could be to reclaim the insults. Yet the English Collective of Prostitutes was criticised by the rest of the feminist movement in the 1970s for its slogan: “All women are prostitutes.” It was indeed misunderstood – despite being a beautiful effort to unite sex workers and other women and to identify them as similarly oppressed and sexually and economically exploited.
The first step in the fight against whorephobia is to name the oppression. Feminist theories help to identify it as at the intersection of gender, class and sexuality. A further step would be to fight the hate crimes sex workers suffer instead of criminalising us. The work of Shelly Stoops in Liverpool is a good example: her Armistead Street outreach project and collaboration with the Merseyside police have helped to build trust between officers and sex workers, who feel now able to report crimes.
Eighty-eight per cent of spending on clothes is in sizes and prices that never see the catwalk or the glossies. Wouldn’t it be great to see a representative of that ordinary percentage glamorised in our magazines? Wouldn’t it be great if young girls had a variety of physical shapes and activities with which to identify? Wouldn’t it be great if we weren’t exporting body hatred around the world by implying that the bodies on our billboards are the only ones that let you engage with the modern world? Wouldn’t it be great if we taught our kids body confidence rather than body fear, so that they knew when they were hungry, knew when they were tired and enjoyed the pleasure of running around and doing sport not because it would burn off the calories but because they enjoyed being active? Wouldn’t it be great if expectant mums could go to term without having photographs of celebrities, who had early caesareans to avoid the last weeks of “fat”, paraded in front of them? Wouldn’t it be great if new mums could get to know their babies and their own bodies’ appetites rather than feel pressure to get back to their pre-pregnancy body in six weeks? Wouldn’t it be great for children to absorb contented and non-anxious bodies, and go on themselves to enjoy bodies they didn’t feel impelled to change and discipline for life?
Trigger warning.
So basically:
High school girl goes to teacher, tells teacher that high school boy raped her. Teacher goes to principal with concerns, offers to escort girl to her transportation home instead of leaving her on school grounds unattended. Principal has a different idea: use this girl as “bait” to try to catch teenagers “having sex” after school. Will have security follow girl around school to catch teenagers gettin’ their hormones on.
Girl is left alone at school, gets raped again (security: not there to stop it happening! surprise!), principal claims “Oh, well, I never knew the sex was nonconsensual!” but then also claims to be able to disprove that the girl was raped, claims girl “liked” the boy and was jealous of other girls who also were sexually assaulted by the boy, therefore that sex was by definition consented to!
Really, it’s more fucked up than I’ve let on. Read the link if you can. The principal called this a fucking sting operation. His words.
BTW: Upper St. Clair High School has been in the news for fucked-up dealings around girls getting raped there since before I moved here in 2006. I haven’t had a year pass when they were not in the news because girls were coming forward with allegations of sexual assault and school officials being deliberately oblivious and/or actively hostile to them as victims.
This is absolutely horrific. I had to read it twice before I realized that this girl came to school officials reporting a rape, and not only did they use her as “bait”, but that they failed to even operate the “sting” correctly (no security guards around when you’re supposed to be catching someone doing something wrong? no one following her specifically? seriously?), and most, importantly, that they never believed her in the first place. They sent this girl into danger- forced her into danger- without even admitting that she had been raped.
Disgusting.
(link via samchase)
The basic idea of the above article:
1. Men have to punch each other
2. Men have to be misogynists (those poor men!)
3. Men have to be horny
4. Men have to be emotionless
5. Men have to avoid seeming gayOh I feel so oppressed!
Yes, these are ‘sexist’ in a way, but most men actively encourage these behaviours because they are perceived to be manly. That doesn’t mean men as a gender are the victims of sexism. These are stereotypes that people insist on abiding by and adhering to, ones which I have rejected (and which can be rejected).
The phrasing of the article seems to suggest a matriarchal rule whipping men into line. Rather than saying this is sexism, let’s think this is the result of the childish way we perceive gender and its importance in our lives.
1, 4, and 5 are true. Yes, some men choose to do these things and because of that they have become the norm. It affects men that don’t want to do these things which is why they are, in fact, sexist. Men are privileged compared to women but they’re still judged for things.
I really hate it when I hear people say “no homo”, that I do.
And thanks to feminism, these stereotypes are challenged and abolished daily. This is why I’ll never understand how men, hell especially women, could ever be actively against feminism or blame the movement for misandry. I’m sick of seeing it.
Yes, they are challenged. It’s true that many men don’t appreciate feminism. Regardless, these stereotypes still exist and it would be unfair to men to ignore them. Our world is not post-feminist.
I agree with this, but at the same time, it is self-perpetuated by anti-feminists. Feminism isn’t causing misandry, anti-feminism is. The fear of appearing “weak”, “feminine”, or gay is not the fault of feminists. So to end sexism toward men, let’s end sexism toward women. Showing emotion should no longer be seen as weakness. Being a girl, or being “girlie” should no longer be looked down upon.
As a dude that deals with a lot of shit for being a stay-at-home-mom, lover of rainbows and sewing, and self proclaimed supporter of LGBTQ equality and Feminism, I have to say that the whole ‘misandry’ thing (or ‘sexist stereotypes about males) is a perpetuation of misogyny, and Feminists and Feminism are fighting against all of that, actively or unknowingly. If we eliminate the bullshit sexism applied to women, we will be without all of the ‘disparaging’ terms used to immasculate men (if calling me a pussy or fag goes away because Feminism and LBGTQ equality is acheived, what’s left to belittle me with???).
The worst application of the idea is of course as it is used to imply or accuse Femisits and Feminism of doing to men what men are doing to women………….which is bullshit. Stop it. Its a byproduct at best, an affirmation of every reason to support Feminism. (Although, I have taken to reacting as if complimented whenever called these names……..which confuses the shit out of people).
Screw that. I put together a sheet of my own from various other sources to distribute to my classmates tomorrow. I would have liked to include a lot more information, but printing stuff costs money (specifically, my limited funds). With some careful formatting and double-sided printing, the text will fit onto one sheet of paper. I copy/pasted this from Word, so the format and bullet-points may look wonky, but you’re welcome to copy/paste/print this for your own means. Here we go:
What’s wrong with suggesting that women take precautions to prevent being raped?
It’s wrong because it puts the onus on women not to get themselves raped, rather than on men not to do the raping; in short, it blames the victim. (Finally Feminism 101)
A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn’t have long hair and women shouldn’t wear short skirts. Women shouldn’t leave drinks unattended. Hell, they shouldn’t dare to get drunk at all. Instead of that bullshit, how about:
If a woman is drunk, don’t rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don’t rape her.
If a woman is drugged and unconscious, don’t rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don’t rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don’t rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you’re still hung up on, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don’t rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don’t rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don’t rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don’t rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don’t rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don’t rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching TV, don’t rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don’t rape her.
If your friend thinks it’s okay to rape someone, tell him it’s not, and that he’s not your friend.
If your “friend” tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there’s an unconscious woman upstairs and it’s your turn, don’t rape her, call the police and tell the guy he’s a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it’s not okay to rape someone.
Don’t tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don’t imply that she could have avoided it if she’d only done/not done x.
Don’t imply that it’s in any way her fault.
Don’t let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he “got some” with the drunk girl.
Don’t perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself. (Men Can Stop Rape)
In case you aren’t sure how to avoid raping, here are a few questions you may want to ask yourself:
© How do you define consent? Have you ever talked about consent with your partner(s) or friends?
© Do you think it is the other person’s responsibility to say something if they aren’t into what you’re doing? How might someone express that what is happening is not OK? Do you think it is possible to misinterpret silence for consent? Do you think silence is consent?
© Do you check in as things progress or do you assume the original consent means everything is OK? If someone consents to one thing, do you assume everything else is OK or do you ask before taking things to a different level? Do you think consent can be withdrawn after it’s been given?
© Do you pursue someone sexually even after they have said they just want to be friends? Do you assume that if someone is affectionate they are probably sexually interested in you? Are you clear about your own intentions?
© Have you ever tried to talk someone into doing something they showed hesitancy about?
© If someone is promiscuous, do you think it’s less important to get consent?
© Do you ever try to get yourself into situations that give you an excuse for touching someone you think would say no if you asked? (i.e., Dancing, getting drunk around them, falling asleep next to them.)
© Do you ever feel obligated to have sex? Do you ever feel obligated to initiate sex? Do you ever try and make bargains? (i.e., “If you let me______, I’ll do ______for you?”)
© Do you feel like being in a relationship with someone means that they have an obligation to have sex with you? What if they want to abstain from sex? Do you whine or threaten if you’re not having the amount of sex or kind of sex that you want?
© Do you think it’s OK to initiate something sexual with someone who’s sleeping? What if the person is your partner?
© Have you been sexual with people when you were drunk or when they were drunk? Do you seek consent the same way when you are drunk as when you’re sober?
© Do you initiate conversations about safe sex and birth control applicably? Do you think saying something as vague as “I’ve been tested recently” is enough?
© Do you think if a person has a body that can get pregnant, it’s up to that person to provide birth control? Do you complain or refuse safe sex or the type of birth control your partner wants to use because it reduces your pleasure?
© Do you think only men abuse? Do you think that in a relationship between people of the same gender, only the one who is more “manly” abuses?
You may want to keep in mind that rapists are often not strangers.
© 73% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger.
© 38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.
© 28% are an intimate.
© 7% are a relative.
Rapists are rarely hiding in the bushes. More than 50% of all rape/sexual assault incidents were reported by victims to have occurred within 1 mile of their home or at their home.
© 4 in 10 take place at the victim’s home.
© 2 in 10 take place at the home of a friend, neighbor, or relative.
© 1 in 12 takes place in a parking garage.
© The average age of a rapist is 31 years old.
© 52% are white.
© 22% of imprisoned rapists report that they are married.
© In 1 in 3 sexual assaults, the perpetrator was intoxicated — 30% with alcohol, 4% with drugs.
© In 2001, 11% of rapes involved the use of a weapon.
© 84% of victims reported the use of physical force only.
Rapists rarely serve time in jail for their crimes. 60% of rapes/sexual assaults are not reported to the police, according to a statistical average of the past 5 years. Those rapists, of course, never spend a day in prison. Factoring in unreported rapes, only about 6% of rapists ever serve a day in jail. (Rape Abuse & Incest National Network)
I love this idea that “taxpayer money” must be saved, and the way to do that is by cutting unemployment, shutting down public education, ending social services like welfare, and not ever giving half a shit about anyone’s health or quality of life.
Natural Family Planning is very dependent…
“In recent months, Phelps, 51, garnered international attention after speaking out against his father’s hatred and intolerance messages and in support of gays. “
wow, I have a lot of respect for this guy after reading that. it must take serious guts to go against your entire family and stand up for what you know to be right.
There’s a daughter who has done the same thing, and has also come out to tell the story of the abuse she suffered as a child at the hands of not only her father but also her siblings, including sisters, for wanting to get an education.
Ellen Page (via aragons) (via fuckyeahfiercebitches)
I’m starting to love this lady.
(via ifighttheonesthatfightme)
I already had a crush on her, but I think Im falling in love with her brain.
(via ana-r-kissed)
“Nothing, so goes the cultural narrative, makes a romantic gesture even romanticker! than the enlistment of other people’s help. Public proposals (in which people, usually female people, are put on the spot to make an affirmative decision about the rest of their lives in front of perfect strangers by whom they’ll be judged negatively if they don’t say yes, which is a whole other post) are romantic, sure, but even romanticker! are public proposals in which there are as many anonymous co-conspirators as possible: Staged events that enlist the assistance of roomfuls—or stadiums-full!—of people.”
The post is about how we route for the “Nice Guy” and big romantic gestures, and want to help them achieve these gestures, when really we could be helping them stalk someone. I liked the part I quoted above because I’ve always felt odd about big public marriage proposals. I think it can be really romantic if you are 100% sure that the person you are asking wants to marry you (ie: You’ve already talked about it) but unfair if there is any uncertainty. It’s a really tough situation to put someone in if they want to say no (or even if they want to say yes) because of all the public pressure.
(Originally found the link in a post by moreapologies)
