Captain Awkward, The C-Word (Hint: C is for Creep!)
I don’t know how I didn’t know about Captain Awkward before, but yay.
I’m always super wary around any guy who seems to think women never “properly” turn men down. I mean, not only are women socialized to let men down “gently” because hurt manfeels will apparently destroy the world, but men are socialized to think that women are flighty idiots who have no idea wtf they actually want, and that no really means yes. They interpret “being coy” and “playing hard to get” where we’re saying “look I don’t want you to punch my face in for this but seriously back off. Please. If that’s okay with you.”
reblogging for relevance to that anon ask from earlier… you will be returned to your regularly scheduled rape culture posts here presently
listened to a guy rant last night about how some girl gave him her number after he asked for it, and never texted him back. I sat and listened to him complain, saying he’d rather a girl be brutally honest and just say “no, I’m not attracted to you,” but the woman in question was a server at a restaurant, and I couldn’t help but feel there was a distinct power difference there. And I thought, too, sitting quietly and uncomfortably in my chair next to him that I had never said a straight up “no” to any man who asked for anything like that because 1) I have been taught for 21 years of my life to always be kind and nice and never rude or assertive to anyone, ever, especially men, and 2) my coping mechanism for a dude demanding my number would be precisely that — I would give it, and then after that the power to say yes or no would be in my hands. He would text and I could choose to respond or not. Those who are socialized as women in this culture are expected to take responsibility for other people’s feelings at the expense of their own, to mediate, to avoid conflict, to have poor interpersonal boundaries. And because I have never been taught to say no, but only to ‘let him down easy’, my silence is my only way to say no. There is no way to say no “correctly”. Not as a woman in patriarchy.